Cyn Kohls
I am so looking forward to Thanksgiving.  I can not wait for the day, the football, the food and the family.  It will just be the three of us this year and I am excited for the relaxing and intimate time.  We will be having the traditional turkey dinner.  We will all be working together to make it and I can not wait to eat it.  We have it all planned out and will start on Wednesday making the 7 layer salad, pealing the potatoes and soaking them overnight, brine the turkey, and making the pecan pie.  Oh, that reminds me I have to start today - I will soak the pecans overnight and roast them tomorrow.  I have found a crust that has no grains - do not know if it will be any good but we will try it.  The potatoes are not on my diet but soaking them will help remove some starch and it is Thanksgiving! Everything else is easy to make without dairy, grains, soy, or legumes.  Oh, wait I will make the boys green bean casserole, still have not figured out the whole "fried onion" thing yet...maybe just leave them out.  I am not going to the trouble of frying my own...maybe...nah, they do not really care about the green beans that much.  I have wheat free stuffing - I am not telling them about that though, as far as they are concerned it will be "stuffing."  Food and Football
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Cyn Kohls
I went to a friends house tonight.  I know that does not sound like much...I went even though I did not want to over come the challenge.  The challenge of getting into the car with my walker just in case I can not get in her house with my segway.  Even though it is raining and I have to stand in the rain to get my segway and what if I slip or the segway slips or my feet on the segway slip...  Then I have to get in her house with wet tires... what if I get her place wet and muddy...how will I get to a chair without ruining something on the floor...  Who would want me bringing a wet segway into their house?  I wont drink anything while I am there - I would not want to have to get to the bathroom, what if I can't get in the bathroom,,,what if I really have to go to the bathroom...Will I be stuck sitting somewhere by myself...will people feel like they have to entertain me or sit with me...
I went because I really like my friends and I want to be with them.  Also, I remind myself that I would want my friend there if it was one of them instead of me.  I would want them around no matter what and it would be easy to help...so, I went to a friends house tonight and it was fun.
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Cyn Kohls
Turns out I was sick, started feeling bad on Friday and was "sick" by Saturday.  Slept all day Saturday and Sunday, most of Monday and I am up today, but looking forward to a nap.

So, being sick made my body not work, probably due to MS.  I could not move my legs out of bed so whenever I had to go to the bathroom I had to have help.  This worried me and my husband of course.  However, it scared my son.  For perhaps the first time he realized that my MS could "take"  me away from him.  He asked some questions and I found out that he thought MS meant that your legs did not work.  I explained to him about the brain and the nerves and the signals sent all over your body to make things work and move.  He understands now that MS can affect anywhere and do anything.  He then said, "I am not ready for you to die, if you die when I am a kid all my fun will be gone."  That made me smile and happy on so many levels.  I also found it interesting because what I would consider to be "fun" is the physical stuff he does with his dad.  I did not say that though, I figure he had no other words to express how much he would miss me.  I assured him that no one knows when they will die and that there is never a "better" time - that he will miss me no matter when.  I talked about my dad dying when I was older and I still missed and needed him.  I also told him that I believe our loved ones are still with us.  We can talk to them whenever we want.  That they know us and our lives and if we really need to hear them they are there in our head and heart.  So, no matter when I leave this plane I will always be with you in spirit.  Of course by this time he had moved on to something else, so I guess he is processing this and he is alright with it all.  A necessary conversation that brings sadness to me and hopefully peace to him. No one likes to think about leaving this world and missing out on all the "fun" things we are going to go through.  Ok, now I know where my son gets his not wanting to sleep from, me.  I do not want to miss anything either.   just a side note - my husband is the "fun" one - I am the driver.
My brother once told me that my kids want me around even if I can"t move.  I know he is right, because I would want them around and my parents, and my husband, and my sisters and my brother... So I consider my loved ones and realize that I have to keep fighting, even when I just want to be...

Today is Wednesday, I am feeling better, up and moving around - my moving around.

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Cyn Kohls
Today was the last practice  for the basketball team.  It was a lot of fun and hard work.  I found myself thinking of the players and plays and games and referees... A nice change from thinking of the regular daily stuff like, can I shower today, do I really need to (lol).  Of course I need too - does not mean I did though.

I like having an "obligation" that gets me out of the house everyday.  Coaching was perfect - because it was after school and I usually am up and dressed by then.  Since I was just volunteering, and never sure how my day was going to go, there was an "able" bodied coach with me.  She is young and a wonderful roll model for the girls.  She is a college ball player so she shows the girls that higher education and sports are both in their future.

I am impressed by this group of girls, for being able to listen and learn from a person who has physical limitations, can not show them form or placement or ball handling...  It was tough teaching them with words only and I am sure it was tough learning without seeing it done...  We managed.

I am more than physically tired however.  I feel like I've been hit by a truck.  All I want is to go to bed, so I think I will.

Good night
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Cyn Kohls
I have wrote more on the page "Who I Am"

We won our basketball game!  I am really proud of the girls on the team.  I am a volunteer coach who is riding around on a segway telling them how to play.  It is hard, at first I think they did not believe that I know how to play basketball and that I even have experience not only as a player but as a coach (in my distant past).  They gave me the benefit of the doubt and started listening and more importantly doing what I was teaching them.  We have lost more than we have won, however, they are looking like basketball players!  In the beginning I told my husband that they would come up to me before practice and say things like; I won't be at practice I have violin today, I can't make practice because I have a science group meeting, or I can't be at practice because I have church... REALLY?  What about basketball?  I am sure I used to say to my teachers "I did not get my homework done because I had basketball."  If I remember correctly they were not impressed and my grades reflected that, lol.  So, they are not b-ball players however, they all are on the honor roll, that is something!  Now going into our last week of games they are loving it, we have won 3 games, everyone plays and everyone has improved tremendously.  I do have help coaching, a really good ball player from our local university,  She is getting volunteer hours to graduate and hopes to be a professional coach, so this is good practice.  If we can make players out of these girls then she must be very good at it!   She is very helpful and a great roll model for these girls. Showing them that they could be college athletes...  Also, I love it when I tell them how to do something or how not to do it and they look at me like - what does she know- then the young college player shows up and yells at them to do the very thing I said to do or not do and they look at me like - OOPS.
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Cyn Kohls
I have decided to write more on my page about "Who I Am" check it out later this week.

I am also going to finish another children's book I started.

First, I am going to finish coaching... I like it, the girls have become better players and I believe they all like basketball now, even if they were there because their mom made them.
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Cyn Kohls
So Brittany Maynard has pasted.  I thought it was a brave thing to do.  However, I have changed my mind a little.  I do think we should have the right to "die with dignity" the question is when?  When do we make that choice and stop living?  I believe that as long as I am able to care for myself and I can handle the pain, stress, and other challenges maybe I should keep living.  Who knows maybe next week someone will have the "cure" I am looking for...  That is the conundrum isn't it.  When??  I believe that every individual has to make that decision for themselves.  I hope that they consider that the fight might be worth it.  The people who love us, and we love, want us to be there, in almost any physical condition.  They want to sit with us, play cards, go on the computer, watch t.v., eat good food, smile and laugh.  They really do not care about the things we can no longer do - they want to be a part of the things we can do.  I want to be apart of their day, to hear all about it, to watch them, to laugh with them, to share with them...
 "You can not win if you do not show up...", my husband.
I remember my brother saying to me (when I was in my twenties) "who said life was easy."  I used to say "who said it wasn't."  Back to the conundrum?  Such a personal decision - one we should have the right to make as a person, an individual, unique in every way.  Even the way we see value in life.  I am just saying, do not go easy - you never know what tomorrow will bring.  Once again my brother is right, "who said life was easy." just do not tell him :).  Or my husband, I will keep showing up (for now), I do like winning so I will play :).
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