Cyn Kohls
Awhile  back my husband came up with the idea of a Halloween hayride, since I could not keep up with them.  I was walking back then, just too slow.  Every year since more of our friends join us.  So this year we have 7 families going on the ride.  FUN!  Life with MS...
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Cyn Kohls
I had a great week in Canada with my family.  We traveled around 2,000 miles by plane and car.  We stayed in hotels along the way.  It was fun.  All the rooms were "handicapped accessible" so it was easy for me.  However, they were on high floors, i.e. 7,9 and 11, how would I get out if the elevators did not work?  We all know that elevators do not work in a fire, or at least that is what we read on the signs, but I think I would get in one anyways. :).  Seriously, what would you do if a 1st floor room was not available?  I want my husband to help my child get out, neither of them would let me get on the elevator or leave me... so I guess my husband better stay strong so he can carry me.  Or I could use something to slide down the stairs like we did as kids.  Yes, that is what I would do.  Ride the ride and cruise down the stairs.  Can't you see me whooping and hollering, just hope everyone gets out of my way.
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Cyn Kohls
Today I am having a hard time with my arms.  They are heavy and do not want to extend fully.  So putting away the groceries and the dishes from the dish washer was a challenge.  My husband and son stepped up, as usual, and finished the work for me.  I really appreciate them.

I have gone to my doctor to talk about my physical and mental situation as of late.  I have found out some interesting things, like; my thyroid nodules are getting bigger,  my MS is still "my MS", I'm getting older (50), my life after being knocked down at Office Max, and best of all Menopause!  My poor husband :).  It is all news that is "doable."  I am going to continue to improve my eating which will help all situations.  Dr Wahls has it right when it comes to fueling the body for health.  The two years I was "faithful" to her program served me well and have carried me through this "down" time while I did not eat well.  I believe that menopause will not be to horrible bad for me.  My doctor said I was "definitely" in it!  When I asked him if it would get worse he said more than likely not.  That is good for me - I only get warm once a day or less and it is usually at night.  I do not sweat enough to get anything "wet" just enough to get my feet warm!!  How nice is that, I love having my feet warm.  I am finding myself awake at night and I do notice a little difference in sex drive.  I am fine with those - I read at night and I am not the one who noticed the lack of interest in sex (once again my poor husband).  We all (my family) have to deal with the change in my physical abilities since January.  They have been harder to accept than any others.  I think it might be because they make the little I could do even less.  I now have trouble getting dressed, shaving (I hate that one), getting into and out of bed, getting into and out of the shower, standing to brush my teeth, and as I said earlier putting things away.  I still do all these things, which is a blessing, however they take me longer.
I think getting back on Dr Walhs program, fully, will help me get some of these things back.  However, the challenge with MS is that I do not know if it will work for me or not.  Has it work in the past? I do not really know I only think so.  I think that is what kept me from getting worse and even helped me get a little better. So, it is worth doing again however, it is a long term answer - a life long commitment.  A little daunting to think about, all that work for a possibility... 
So, along that thought process I think I will change neurologist to a younger, fresher, more open minded one and start looking into all the new medicines.  I do not think I will change my belief that my body can not handle "poisons" but I have come to the conclusion that I have to consider all the progress made in treating MS.  I will keep you posted as to what I find out...
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Cyn Kohls
Well, It is hard some days - funny the mental part of my life is just as hard as the physical these days. I never really understood how much of an impact mental health has on everything.  I react so quickly with my emotions and they are all over the place!!  I at least am aware of what is going on and I am starting to get control over my "over reactions."  The people in my life are very helpful in that area, they definatley let me know when I am acting like it is the end of the world.

I have a headache, pretty much every day since January.  I did get a optic nerve block and that was helpful for a couple of months.  I am not sure I will do it again.  I have to figure out a way to get rid of them myself.

ok, it is fall break here and we have headed up to the cottage in Quebec.  Funny story, the trunk of the rental car is very small, our large suitcase and walker just fit.  Figuring out how to make them fit my husband took the wheels off the walker.  Because of this (no wheels walker) he told me to give him "fair" warning on bathroom breaks.  I decide not to drink anything so that I would not have to "rush" anywhere.  When they stop to eat I ask for the walker to go to the bathroom, although I really do no have to go.  My husband, who is dressed for the sun we just left is in shorts and is freezing and I having said the word bathroom so now I really have to go, is hurrying up to get me inside and himself out of the wind.  In his haste he puts the walker together with the wheels on upside down.  It is dark and cold out.  He brings it over to me and it is a foot short, wobbling on two wheels looking like a person standing on the insides of their feet with their ankles turned out.  We start laughing and yelling at each other because now he is really cold and I really have to go!  I can not use the walker because I can not bend down that low and it is so unstable.  He will not leave me there so he tells me to sit down on the seat and he will push me in.  Of course the walker won't push - it is not on the upturned wheels.  So he grabs the walker and starts pulling me in.  The wheels are flaying all over and I am laughing and telling him to stop!  He just powers on - lifting the walker to the two wheels that will roll and uses his strength to get me in.  Meanwhile our son has gone in another door and is ignoring us completely, acting like this is a normal everyday occurrence. Well, we made it inside, where the walker was fixed and the bathroom was made. Oh my, this MS has changed our lives so completely but the laughter remains!  I wish I had a picture of that walker - I'll get one it was just so funny - or maybe it was the cold dark night and having to go so badly...
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Cyn Kohls
It is so easy to look at someone and make judgments.  I do it; I see someone that is "fat" riding in a motorized chair and think -"really, I wish I had their problems."  I am assuming that it is just a matter of over eating. Instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt.  For all I know they have some medical condition - could even have MS.  I don't know.  That is my point - do not assume the worst - lets start assuming the best in people.  I get the judgmental looks just about everyday and I don't even have to be in public.  I give the "look" myself everyday - if you ask my husband :).  I've been on my segway and have had little old women tell me to "get out of the store" or "I've got some nerve to be on that in here endangering people."  I've had young men tell me "that's taking the easy way out."  What they are doing is assuming that I am on my segway for fun instead of transportation.  They would feel differently if they knew I needed it to walk.  They might be thankful that they are still walking themselves.  At the very least they would not tell me to "get out."

With my MS some days are harder than others and I do not like to focus on that or announce it to my family and friends.  Instead I just "hang out".  It might take all my energy to get dressed in the morning so I'll sit for the next couple of hours reading, watching TV, facebook, or listening to music, I might fall asleep.  I know that there is laundry to be done, bathrooms to be cleaned, food to be made, dishes to be put up...the list goes on. I know the list. Sometimes I forget the list and I do not mind that!   Knowing the list does not make it easier for me to get it done.  I am not ignoring the list. I am not just "sitting there and doing nothing."  I know it looks like I am doing nothing.  Please do not assume the worst - assume the best - think "I know her, she would not just sit there unless she needs too."  I know this is hard, it is hard for me too.  The really hard part is knowing when to ask and say "how long do you need because we need you around here" or "I have not seen you lately, it is time to get out of the house."  It is o.k. to remind me to keep on pushing just remember that it is o.k. if I can not "keep on" right now.

ASSUME THE BEST - but do not be fooled :)

i should note that my neurologist has said that my MS has not changed in the past year - all my issues have come after being knocked down at office max.  dr wahls' program was working wonders for me and I have to get back to that!

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Cynthia
a couple of weeks ago Dr Wahls contacted me to see how I was doing.  Well, not so good... I have let many things go from MS to worse :).  I know I have MS, you know I have MS, we all know that MS is a pain, in many ways not just physical and I have let it be the main thing in my life for the past 8 months. Wow, I did not realize it was that long... I did not realize how far down I went... I did not realize how easy it is let the days slip by and become weeks, months - but not years.  I stop now and start the journey back to fighting!  Ok, just a little movement in the right direction.  I have to fill out some daily logs on what I am eating - how I am getting daily nutrients, how I am exercising, relaxing-meditating, and massage.  So for the last 5 days I have been on the slow road to eating the things I should.  I am juicing, eating sea weeds, kale, organ meets, and oils (hemp or flax).  I stopped doing the "normal" things I used to do daily to get better after the fall.  I didn't go so far as eating "crap" however, I did stop eating everything I needed and stopped taking vitamins.  I also stopped the muscle stim and everything else I was doing.  Basically, I was (or am) doing daily things for my son...that is about it.  Not for myself, not for my husband, not for my dog... just enough to be able to sleep at night.  Now Dr Wahls, and my husband have called me on it.  I don't like it, makes me mad...however, a lot of things are "making" me mad these days...so what's new.

One positive things to come out of the last 8 months (there might be more than one) is that it shows me that eating right, exercise (even the very little I can do), taking time for my mental health daily works!  I was so very much better in December of last year.  So it is worth the hard journey back.  No matter how slow I am going to embark on it.  (I say that today and I hope I will say it tomorrow). choices choices choices (blah, blah, blah... words are words we will see what my actions are)

Today my actions are eating well, calling my PC doctor to get some mental health help, getting ready for my dogs birthday, enjoying  my family, being thankful.





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Cyn Kohls
OK, it has been a longtime since I have written on here.  I came home from my mom's January 3rd and was feeling so great!  I was relaxed, walking better, stronger, happy to be with my boys!  I was missing my mom and my daughter, but I was (and am still) happy that they are warm and well in Florida.  I came home to our house being uninhabitable due to the flood at Thanksgiving.  Fortunately for us my mother-in-law is putting us up!  I was feeling so full of life that I decided to go to Office Max and  get some supplies to put our house in order.  I was walking into the store (with my walker) and thinking "wow, do I feel great and strong!"  I walked to the front of the store, the sliding doors opened and I continued on through...WELL, I should of continued on through, however, their doors slammed shut- right on me.  Hit me a couple of times - knocking me over and down.  They knocked me out of the store and my walker in the store.  When I got some sense back I was lying on the ground looking into the store at my walker thinking "what the hell!"  Oh My,  what am I going to do now?  I had nothing to pull myself up with and I could not believe I was on the ground!!  finally someone noticed me (how long I was lying there I don't know) and came out to help me.  

The story goes on - I hated it and hate thinking about it so I am going to stop writing about it. However, I suffered a concussion and neck problems that are still haunting me today!   The worst part is the emotional changes in my life since then!!  I have post concussive things going on i.e. tired and very quick to anger.  Also, my confidence is gone and my desire to go and do things is gone.  I am having a hard time seeing the "bright" side of life at the moment - so I am taking a break from here.  Typing is too hard anyways, my arm is heavy and numb... 
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